B.A. Degree.
Thunder against.
B50 entries
Bachelors.
All self-centered, all rakes. Should be taxed. Headed for a lonely old age.
Back.
A slap on the back can start tuberculosis.
Bagnolet.
Town that is famous for its blind people.
Baldness.
Always "premature," caused by youthful excesses—or by the hatching of great thoughts.
Balloons.
Thanks to them, man will one day reach the moon. "But it will be many a day before you can steer them."
Balls.
Use this word only as a swear word, and possibly not even then.
Bandits.
Always "fierce."
Bankers.
All millionaires. Levantines. Wolves.
Barber.
"To go to the tonsorial artist"; "to patronize Figaro." Louis XI's barber. Formerly surgeons, used to bleed you.
Bases (of society).
I.e. property, the family, religion, respect for authority. Show anger if these are impugned.
Basilica.
Grandiose synonym for church. Always: "an impressive basilica."
Basques.
The people who turn out the best runners.
Battle.
Always "bloody." There are always two sets of victors: those who won and those who lost.
Bayadere.
Word that stirs the fancy. All oriental women are bayaderes. (See Odalisques.)
Bear.
Generally named Bruin. Tell the story of the invalid who, seeing that a watch had fallen into the bear pit, went down and was eaten alive.
Beard.
Sign of strength. Grown too thick, will cause baldness. Helps protect neckcloth.
Bedroom.
In an old chateau, Henry IV always spent one night there.
Beer.
Do not drink beer if you wish to avoid colds.
Beethoven.
Do not pronounce Beetoven. Be sure to gush when one of his works is being played.
Bellows.
Never use them.
Belly.
Say "abdomen" in the presence of ladies.
Bible.
The oldest book in the world.
Bill.
Always too large.
Billiards.
A noble game. Indispensable in the country.
Bird.
Aspire to become one, saying with a sigh: "Oh, for a pair of wings! Wings!"—it shows a poetic soul.
Black as.
Follow invariably with "your hat" or "pitch." As for "jet black," what is jet?
Blondes.
Hotter than brunettes. (See Brunettes.)
Blood-letting.
Have yourself bled in the Spring.
Bluestocking.
Term of contempt applied to women with intellectual interests. Quote Moliere in support: "When the compass of her mind she stretches..."
Boarding school.
Say this in English when it is for girls.
Body.
If we knew how our body is made, we wouldn't dare move.
Boiled dinner.
Healthful. Inseparable from "broth and—."
Boils.
See Pimples.
Book.
Always too long, regardless of subject.
Boots.
In summer heat, never omit allusions to policemen's boots or postmen's shoes (permissible only in the country, in the open). Boots are the only elegant footgear.
Bread.
No one knows what filth goes into it.
Breastworks.
Never use to refer to a woman.
Breath.
To have a strong breath is a sign of distinction. Fend off remarks about killing flies. Refer it to the stomach.
Bretons.
All good souls, but stubborn.
Bronze.
Metal of the classic centuries.
Brunettes.
Hotter than blondes. (See Blondes.)
Buddhism.
"False religion of India." (Definition in Bouillet's Dictionary, first edition.)
Budget.
Never balanced.
Buffon.
Put on lace cuffs before writing.
Bull.
Father of the calf; the ox is only the uncle.
Bureaucrat.
Inspires awe, no matter what bureau he works in.
Burial.
Too often premature. Tell stories of corpses that had eaten an arm off from hunger.
Butchers.
Appalling in times of revolution.
Buying and Selling.
The goal of life.