Wagner
Snicker on hearing his name and joke about the music of the future.
Letter W
Wit
Always preceded by "sparkling." Cheap as anything. "Good wits jump."
More from Letter W
Waltz
Wax indignant about. A lascivious, impure dance that should only be danced by old ladies.
War
Thunder against.
Watch
Good only if made in Switzerland. In pantomimes, when a character pulls out his watch, it has to be an onion: this never fails to raise a laugh. "Does your watch keep time?" "The sun runs by it."
Water
The water in Paris gives you colic. Salt water buoys you up. Cologne water smells good.
Waterproof
A very practical garment. A very harmful one because it checks perspiration.