D

62 entries

Daguerreotype.

Will replace painting. (See Photography.)

Damascus.

The only place where the art of making swords is understood. Every good blade is from Damascus.

Dance.

"It isn't dancing any more, it's tramping about."

Danton.

"Let us dare, and dare again, and forever dare."

Darwin.

The fellow who says we're sprung from monkeys.

Days.

The master has days: for trimming the beard, for taking a purge, etc. And so has Madame, days which she calls "critical" at certain times of the month.

Debauchery.

Cause of all diseases in bachelors.

Decoration.

The Legion of Honor; make fun of it, but covet it. When you obtain it, say it was unsolicited.

Defeat.

Is sustained, and is so utter that no one is left to tell the tale.

Deicide.

Wax indignant, despite the infrequency of the crime.

Delft.

More swank than "china."

Demosthenes.

Never made a speech without a pebble in his mouth.

Dentists.

All untruthful. They use "steel balm." Are said to be also chiropodists. Pretend to be surgeons, just as opticians pretend to be physicists.

Denture.

Third set of teeth. Take care not to swallow while asleep.

Derby.

Racing term: very swank.

Descartes.

*Cogito ergo sum.*

Desert.

Produces dates.

Dessert.

Deplore fact that people no longer sing at dessert. Virtuous persons scorn dessert: "Pastry! Good Lord, no! I never take it."

Device.

Obscene word.

Devotion.

Complain of others' lack of it. "We have far less than a dog."

Diamonds.

"The time will come when man will manufacture them!" "Believe it or not, they're nothing but a piece of coal; if we came across one in the natural state, we wouldn't bother to pick it up!"

Diana.

Goddess of the chaste (chased).

Dictionary.

Say of it: "It's only for ignoramuses!" A rhyming dictionary?—For shame!

Diderot.

Always followed by "d'Alembert."

Dilettante.

Wealthy man who subscribes to the opera.

Dimples.

Always tell a pretty girl that little loves are hiding in her dimples.

Dinner.

Formerly people dined at noon. Now they dine at impossible hours. The dinner of our fathers' time is our lunch, and our lunch is their dinner; but dining so late shouldn't be called dinner: it's supper.

Dinner jacket.

In the provinces, the acme of ceremony and inconvenience.

Diogenes.

"I am looking for a man." "Don't stand between me and the sun."

Diploma.

Emblem of knowledge. Proves nothing.

Diplomacy.

A distinguished career, but beset with difficulties and full of mystery. Suited only to aristocrats. A profession of vague import, though higher than trade. Diplomats are invariably subtle and shrewd.

Directoire.

The scandals of the time: "In those days, honor had taken refuge in the army; women in Paris went about naked."

Discharge.

Rejoice when it leaves the affected part, and express astonishment that the human body can contain so much matter.

Dissection.

An outrage upon the majesty of death.

Distinction.

Always preceded by "rare."

Diva.

All women singers must be called divas.

Dividers.

Perfect eyesight has them built in.

Divorce.

"If Napoleon had not divorced Josephine, he would still be on the throne."

Djinn.

The name of an oriental dance.

Dockyards.

Appalling in times of revolution.

Doctor.

Always preceded by "the good." Among men, in familiar conversation, "Oh! balls, doctor!" Is a wizard when he enjoys your confidence, a jackass when you're no longer on terms. All are materialists: "You can't probe for faith with a scalpel."

Doctrinaires.

Despise them. Why? Nobody can say.

Document.

Invariably "of the highest importance."

Dog.

Specially created to save its master's life; man's best friend.

Doge.

Wedded the sea. Only one is known—Marino Faliero.

Dolmen.

Has to do with the old Gauls. Stone used for human sacrifice. Found only in Brittany. Knowledge ends there.

Dolphin.

Carries children on its back.

Dome.

Tower with an architectural shape. Express surprise that it stays up. Two can be named: the Dome of the Invalides; that of St. Peter's in Rome.

Domesticity.

Never fail to speak of it with respect.

Dominoes.

One plays all the better for being tight.

Dormitories.

Always "spacious and airy." Preferable to single rooms for the morals of the pupils.

Doubt.

Worse than outright negation.

Drawing (art of).

"Consists of three things: line, stippling and fine stippling. There is, in addition, the masterstroke; but the masterstroke can only be given by the master" (Christophe).

Dreadful.

"Perfectly dreadful"—when alluding to words of erotic import: one may commit the act, but not speak of it. "It was at the darkest of a dreadful night."

Dreams (vague).

Any great ideas one does not understand.

Ducks.

Always come from Rouen.

Duel.

Thunder against. No proof of courage. Great prestige of the man who has fought a duel.

Dungeon.

Gives rise to gloomy thoughts.

Dupe.

Better be a knave than a dupe.

Dupuytren.

Famous for his salve and his museum.

Duties.

Require them of others. Avoid them yourself. Others have duties towards us, not we towards them.

Dwarf.

Tell the story of General Tom Thumb; if by any chance you shook his hand, boast of the fact.