Paganini.
Never tuned his violin. Famous for his long fingers.
P86 entries
Pageantry.
Lends authority. Strikes the imagination of the masses. We need more of it, more of it.
Pain, Grief.
Always has favorable by-products. When genuine, its expression is always subdued.
Painting on glass.
The secret of the art is lost.
Palfrey.
A white animal of the middle ages whose breed is extinct.
Palladium.
Ancient fortress.
Palm tree.
Supplies local color.
Palmyra.
An Egyptian queen? Famous ruins? Nobody knows.
Pamphleteering.
No longer done.
Pantheism.
Thunder against. An absurdity.
Paradox.
Always originates "on the Boulevards, between two puffs on a cigarette."
Parallels (historical).
The choice is as follows: Caesar and Pompey, Horace and Virgil, Voltaire and Rousseau, Napoleon and Charlemagne, Goethe and Schiller, Bayard and MacMahon...
Paris.
The great whore. Heaven for women, hell for horses.
Parlor songs.
He who can sing parlor songs "kills" the ladies.
Parthian shot.
Wax indignant at such a shot, though it is in fact thoroughly legitimate.
Parts.
"Shameful" to some, "natural" to others.
Pass (mountain).
Always mention Thermopylae. The Vosges are the Thermopylae of France. (This was often said in 1870.)
Pavilion.
Abode of bliss in a garden.
Pedantry.
Should be run down, unless it applies to trifles.
Pederasty.
Disease that afflicts all men of a certain age.
Pelican.
Tears its breast to nourish its young. Symbol of the paterfamilias.
Peru.
Country in which everything is made of gold.
Perspiring (feet).
Sign of health.
Phaeton.
Inventor of the carriage named after him.
Pheasant.
Very swank at a dinner.
Philippe-Egalite.
Thunder against. Another of those causes of the Revolution. He committed all the crimes of that dismal period.
Philosophy.
Always snicker at it.
Phlegmatic.
Good form. Makes you look English. Goes with "imperturbable."
Phoenix.
Fine name for a Fire Insurance Company.
Photography.
Will make painting obsolete. (See Daguerreotype.)
Physical training.
Cannot be overdone. Exhausting for children.
Piano.
Indispensable in a drawing room.
Pidgin.
Always talk pidgin to make yourself understood by a foreigner, regardless of nationality. Use also for telegrams.
Pig.
Its insides being "identical with those of man" should be used to teach anatomy.
Pigeon.
Eat it only with peas.
Pikestaffs.
At sight of a dark cloud, do not fail to say: "It's going to rain pikestaffs." In Switzerland every man carries a pikestaff.
Pillow.
Never use a pillow: it will make you into a hunchback.
Pimples.
On the face or anywhere else, a sign of health and "strong blood." Do not try to get rid of them.
Pipe.
Not proper except at the seaside.
Pity.
Always avoid feeling it.
Planets.
All discovered by M. Leverrier.
Plant.
Always cures those parts of the body that it resembles.
Plot.
The heart of any play.
Poachers.
All ex-convicts. Commit all the crimes in the neighborhood. Must arouse in you a frenzy of fury: "No quarter, my dear sir, no quarter!"
Pock-marked.
Pock-marked women are all lascivious.
Poet.
Pompous synonym for fool, dreamer.
Poetry.
Entirely useless; out of date.
Police.
Always in the wrong.
Policeman.
Bulwark of society. Don't say "the police" but "guardians of law and order" or "the constabulary."
Political Economy.
Dismal science.
Polish plait.
If you cut the hair it bleeds.
Ponsard.
The only poet who had good sense.
Poor (the).
To care for them makes all other virtues needless.
Popilius.
Inventor of a kind of circle.
Pork-butcher.
Stories of pates made of human flesh. All pork-butchers have pretty wives.
Portfolio.
Carry one under your arm: makes you look like a member of the Cabinet.
Port-Royal.
Very swank topic of conversation.
Post.
Always apply for one.
Poultice.
Always apply one while waiting for the doctor.
Practical jokes.
Always play practical jokes when going on a picnic with ladies.
Practice.
Superior to theory.
Pradon.
Never forgive him for having been Racine's rival.
Pragmatic Sanction.
Nobody knows what it is.
Precincts.
Very swank in formal speeches: "Within these precincts, gentlemen..."
Preoccupation.
Is active and fruitful in proportion to one's immobility, which in turn is caused by the depth of one's absorption.
Prep school.
Swanker than "boarding school."
Pretty.
Used for whatever is beautiful. "It's mighty pretty" is the acme of admiration.
Priapism.
A cult of ancient times.
Priestly calling.
"Art, medicine, etc. are so many priestly callings."
Priests.
Should be castrated. Sleep with their housekeepers and give them children whom they fob off as their nephews. "Never mind! There are honest ones too."
Principles.
Always "eternal." Nobody can tell their nature or number; no matter, they are sacred all the same.
Print.
One must believe whatever is in print. To see one's name in print!—some people commit a crime for no other reason.
Printing.
Marvellous invention. Has done more harm than good.
Problem.
"Need only be stated to be solved."
Professor.
Always "the learned."
Progress.
Always "headlong" and "ill-advised."
Propeller.
Commands the future of machinery.
Property.
One of the foundations of society. More sacred than religion.
Prose.
Easier to write than verse.
Prospects.
Find them beautiful in nature, dark in politics.
Prostitute.
A necessary evil. A protection for our daughters and sisters, as long as we have bachelors. Should be harried without pity. It's impossible to go out with one's wife owing to the presence of these women on the boulevards. Are always poor girls seduced by wealthy bourgeois.
Providence.
"Where should we be without it?"
Prunes.
Keep the bowels loose.
Pudding (black).
A sign of revelry in the house, indispensable on Christmas eve.
Punch.
Suitable for a stag dinner. Cause of mad gaiety. Put out the light when setting it aflame; it will make fantastic shadows.
Pyramid.
Useless edifice.