H

52 entries

Habit.

Second nature. School habits are bad habits. Given the right habits one could play the violin like Paganini.

Haiduk.

Confuse with eunuch.

Hair (waving the).

Not suitable for men.

Ham.

Always from Mainz. But watch out for trichinosis.

Hamlet (small village).

A touching word in literature; effective in poetry.

Hammock.

Characteristic of creole women. Indispensable in a garden. Persuade yourself that it is more comfortable than a bed.

Hand.

To govern France, must be of iron; to have a beautiful hand means to have a fine handwriting.

Handwriting.

A neat hand leads to the top. Undecipherable: a sign of deep science, e.g. doctors' prescriptions.

Hangman.

Trade handed down from father to son.

Hard.

Always add "as iron." There is also "hard as rock," but that is much less forceful.

Hare.

Sleeps with its eyes open.

Harem.

Always compare a cock amid the hens to a sultan in his harem. Every college boy dreams of this.

Harp.

Gives out celestial harmonies. In engravings, is only played next to ruins or on the edge of a torrent. Shows off the arm and hand.

Hasheesh.

Do not confuse with hash, which produces no voluptuous sensations whatever.

Hats.

Complain of their shape.

Hawser.

People have no idea how strong it is—stronger than iron.

Health.

Excess of health causes illness.

Heat.

Always "unbearable." Do not drink on hot days.

Helots.

Cite as a warning to your son, though you would be hard put to it to show him any.

Hemorrhoids.

Come from sitting on stoves and stone benches. St. Fiacre's evil. A sign of health—hence do not try to rid yourself of them.

Henry III, Henry IV.

When mentioned, do not fail to say: "All the Henrys were unfortunate!"

Hercules.

A type from the North.

Hermaphrodites.

Arouse unwholesome curiosity. Try to see one.

Hernia.

Everybody has one without knowing it.

Herod.

To be "as old as Herod."

Herring.

"The wealth of Holland."

Hiatus.

Not to be tolerated.

Hiccups.

To cure, place a large key in the middle of the back, or cause fright.

Hieroglyphics.

Language of the ancient Egyptians, invented by the priests to conceal their shameful secrets. "Just think! There are people who understand hieroglyphics! But after all, the whole thing may be a hoax..."

Hippocrates.

Always to be cited in Latin because he wrote in Greek, except in the maxim: "Hippocrates says Yes, but Galen says No."

Hippolytus.

His death the most beautiful narrative subject that can be assigned in class. Everyone should know the piece by heart.

Home.

Always a castle inviolate. However, the police and the judiciary can enter whenever they please. "Going back to my hearth and home; to my fireside."

Homer.

Never existed. Famous for his laughter.

Homo.

Say: "*Ecce homo!*" on the arrival of any person whom one is expecting.

Honor.

When mentioned, misquote: "But he that filches from me my good name doth make me poor indeed." One must always be concerned about one's own, and not greatly concerned about others'.

Horn (hunting).

Lovely effect in the woods, and at night across the water.

Horses.

If they knew their strength, they would not let themselves be led. Horsemeat: excellent subject for a pamphlet by a man seeking a reputation. Racehorse; despise it—of what use is it?

Hospitality.

Must always be Scottish. Quote: "In Scotland, hospitality when sought is given and never bought."

Hospodar.

Sounds well in a remark on the Near East question.

Hostilities.

Hostilities are like oysters, they have to be opened. "Open hostilities" sounds as if one ought to sit down at table.

Hotels.

Are only good in Switzerland.

Hugo, Victor.

"Made a sad mistake, really, when he entered politics."

Humidity.

Cause of every disease.

Hunchbacks.

Are very witty. Much sought after by lascivious women.

Hunt.

Good exercise, which one must pretend to love. Part of the royal state. The judiciary rave about it.

Hussar.

Pronounce hoozar. Always preceded by "handsome" or "dashing." Attracts the ladies. Never fail to hum: "You who know a young hussar..."

Hydra-headed (monster).

Of anarchy, socialism, and so on of all alarming systems. We must try and conquer it.

Hydrotherapy.

Cure and cause of every known disease.

Hygiene.

Must be maintained. Prevents illness, except when it provokes it.

Hypothecate.

Use the word in calling for the reform of the law governing mortgages; very swank.

Hypothesis.

Often "rash," always "bold."

Hysteria.

Confuse with nymphomania.